There comes a place in the life of every believer when you have to decide if your faith is real or it's all for naught. When you have to decide if you will test God, see if His Word is true or if it's just a bunch of platitudes designed as a crutch, to help weak people "feel good". There are times when you look to heaven and say, "God I DON'T GET IT: if you are completely loving & all-powerful, as you say you are, then why so much pain in the world??? Why are little children molested or murdered in the womb? Why do people suffer horrible drowning deaths in tsunamis and lose everything in natural disasters? Why do good people suffer through illness? Why are there continual struggles in my family's life, when my husband & I have desired to serve You? Why do the blessings seem to often come to the ungodly, and the trials to the godly? I know Your Word says to expect trials, God...but HOW are you using these difficulties for YOUR GLORY? If only I understood...then it would be easier to let you 'have thine own way, Lord'... And yet...You alone are God. 'The secret things belong to you' (Deut. 29:29) and Your ways are not my ways (Isaiah 55:8). I don't understand, but I humbly confess my pride, choosing not to trust in my limited vision, but put my trust in Your character.For me, today is that day. I am tired of worrying of all I cannot control. Bad things happen; good things happen, too. God is either who He claims to be or He is not. So I am putting Him to the test, once again. I do not know what tomorrow will bring: if my husband will get a job using his skills, if we will get out of a rut financially, if I will get answers or healing of my illness, if my children will stay on a good path, if we will find the true biblical community we desire...if life on this earth will ever "make sense". But I do intend to find out that God is faithful, and not just in the Bible, or in some other person's testimony...but in my story...my life, my family, my friends, my sphere of influence... Today I acknowledge just how small I am, and give it all back to Him..
