Live Simply, Love Generously. Leave The Rest to God.

This amazing testament of faith was found amidst the papers of a martyred African pastor...  

I’m a part of the fellowship of the unashamed. The die has been cast. I have stepped over the line. The decision has been made. I’m a disciple of His and I won’t look back, let up, slow down, back away or be still.

My past Is redeemed. My present makes sense. My future Is secure. I’m done and finished with low living, sight walking, small planning, smooth knees, colorless dreams, tamed visions, mundane talking, cheap living and dwarfed goals.

I no longer need preeminence, prosperity, position, promotions, plaudits, or popularity. I don’t have to be right, or first, or tops, or recognized, or praised, or rewarded. I live by faith, lean on His presence, walk by patience, lift by prayer and labor by Holy Spirit power.

My face Is set. My gait Is fast. My goal Is heaven. My road may be narrow, my way rough, my companions few, but my guide Is reliable and my mission Is clear. I will not be bought, compromised, detoured, lured away, turned back, deluded or delayed. I will not flinch In the face of sacrifice or hesitate In the presence of the adversary. I will not negotiate at the table of the enemy, ponder at the pool of popularity or meander In the maze of mediocrity.

I won’t give up, shut up, or let up until I have stayed up, stored up, prayed up, paid up and preached up for the cause of Christ. I am a disciple of Jesus. I must give until I drop, preach until all know and work until He comes. And when He does come for His own, He’ll have no problems recognizing me. My colors will be clear!

Why I Love My Husband...

...He's easygoing.  He hardly every gets mad, and when he does, he doesn't stay that way for long.

...He's calm and level-headed.  Unlike me.  He balances me out, teaching me to think more with my head and less with my heart.

...He calls me just about EVERY day...whether I want him too or not :)

...He doesn't care if I serve him cereal for dinner (and he will even do the dishes).

...He doesn't care if I wear make-up (true!)

...He always tries to make me feel better (even if it doesn't always work...)

...He drives my kids to school so I don't have to get dressed...and only complains a little when they are too slow or I forget the lunches...and it makes him late! (oops)

...He puts the kids to bed almost every night.

...He coaches t-ball not so much for love of the sport ~ but for Caleb's sake.

...He doesn't let my kids give me any lip.

...He is willing to admit when is wrong (and to "think about it" when he doesn't think he is wrong, but I know otherwise.  Lol!)

...He is exceedingly patient with me...and my sensitive, moody, and sometimes irritable (ie sinful) ways

...He always takes my side when I argue with my mother (Lol again).

...He usually gives in...probably more than he thinks he does...

...He's so nice to everyone, and people just like him.

...He is way too too smart...especially on philosophical, theological subjects.

...He's so funny.  He keeps us laughing , especially when he is really in the mood.

...He's considerate to strangers.  He always lets the guy in front of us in traffic.

...He is content with little (a worthwhile goal for me...)

...He loves God.  He is faithful to Him and to our family.  (What more could I ask for?!)

I Have Stuff, You Have Stuff

If there was just one thing I could change about my life, I would get rid of all my "stuff."  You know, "stuff" ~ as in: destructive habits, emotional baggage, flawed ideas, weird idiosyncrasies ~ and everything else that comes with the territory of being a sinful human being living in a broken world.

The list is way too long to share, but...for example...why do I struggle to maintain self-control when I am angry, stressed, tired, or hungry?  Why do I say stupid things that hurt people I love?  Why do I, a 41-years-old woman, still allow certain people to manipulate or control me?  Why do I want to control?...  Why do I always feel like a wallflower in a crowd of people I do not know?  Even the simple things sometimes bug me:  like gross (and painful) habits, like picking at my cuticals or peeling the dry skin on the bottom of my feet.  But I can't be the only one on the planet with a gross habit...and I know I am not the only one with "stuff".  Everybody has their stuff.

I was having a candid discussion with a couple of women about week ago.  As we talked about our particular struggles, it occurred to me that our challenges and sinful habits really are "common to man".  Oh, they may be packaged differently...or vary in degree ~ but when it comes down to it, we humans are more alike than we think.  As I was pondering this, I couldn't help thinking what some people would think if they knew we were all professing Christian women. (Audible gasp!)  Why is it that people tend to think Christians "don't struggle" or "aren't supposed to struggle"...we are just supposed to be good? What is it about humanity that we want to feed into the lie that people (or at least certain people) are basically good, anyway?  Do we think God was kidding when He said, "There are none that are righteous, no, not one"?

And yet, this attitude not only permeates the world, but the church, as well.  As a result, we feel a need, all-too-often, to hide behind our masks. We join pretenders and hypocrites worldwide with our own "Christian" version of  "I'm Alright, You're Alright".  You know what I mean: it goes something like this: "Jesus makes me happy all the time, and nothing ever goes wrong in my life."  After all, what would people think of us if we admitted otherwise? I think the charade gets tiring.  'Cause if you just try to bury your "stuff" instead of facing it, it has a tendency to insistently re-emerge.  It's like trying to pin down the corners of tent in the middle of a ferocious windstorm...you get one corner to stay down, but then up blows another corner...so you keep running from corner to corner, trying again to get each one to hold.  Some of us never manage, and always feel like failures; others get all four sides pinned down and start feeling pretty good about ourselves...until, oops!  There goes that darn wind again, and there goes "stuff", popping up, just when we thought we had finally managed to convince others (and even ourselves) that we have this "good person" thing licked.

We humans are so short-sighted.  So often, we forget who we are, and even more importantly, whose we are.  We are sinful people!  (Romans 3:23).  And if we are Christians, and we have trusted Christ to start a work in us, why in the world do we not trust Him to finish it?  If we were capable of "having it all together", there would be no need for the cross...  God KNOWS all about our "stuff".  (Proverbs 15:3, "The eyes of the LORD are everywhere, keeping watch on the wicked and the good.")  He knows everything about us, everything done in secret...and in our sinful state, He chooses to love us anyway ~ sincerely and deeply, with a love we cannot manage to muster or even fathom.   He knows it is impossible for us to live a righteous life apart from His help, nor are we supposed to.  (Proverbs 28:13, "He who conceals his sins does not prosper, but whoever confesses and renounces them finds mercy.")

God does not expect us to be perfect.  (Whew!  What a relief!)  But He does want us to be upfront about our "stuff", and He wants us to be changing and growing.  In order to do so, we must first be honest with God and with ourselves.  We must humbly seek after God and His word, and ask the Holy Spirit to work in our hearts.  We must also be authentic people before our sisters & brothers in Christ.  (James 5:16, "So admit your sins to each other, and pray for each other so that you will be healed.  Prayers offered by those who have God's approval are effective.")  It is not natural for us to do this: we want for people to like us, to think "good things" about us...we are not keen on sharing the ugly things about ourselves.  But we can choose to live in obedience to the Lord, and trust Him to honor it.  As difficult as it is for us to accept, it really doesn't matter if another person approves of us or not.  If GOD approves of us, who is anyone else to judge? 

Likewise, we can practice showing grace and encouragement to others in their struggles.  I, for one, could go easier on others - and myself, at times - remembering that growth is a process and love is patient!  It's so awesome to know and serve a God who is incredibly patient and forgiving towards us!  Why would we want to offer others anything less?

Best of all?  We have ultimate hope in the fact that one day, when we finally see Jesus, and look into His wonderful face, we will finally be made perfect.   No more "stuff"...and no more struggles, no more sorrow, no more pain, no more brokenness.  Just perfect love & perfect peace.  That's the day that I am waiting for.

Fixed Or Found? The Journey from Self-Reliance to Surrender

I love this post by Dr. Chuck DeGroat, City Church of San Francisco.  So much so, I am sharing it here on my blog... Enjoy!

   "In the last post entitled Opening Our Clenched Fists and Reaching Out Towards Hope, I began to paint a picture of the scary but glorious emergence from the dark valley of pain.  Nouwen’s metaphor of clenched fists opening – released from tension and clamoring – is a beautiful metaphor for a heart that releases its grip on control (manifested in the many self-remedies we choose) and surrenders its past, present, and future to a God that Walter Brueggemann once described as “wild, unfettered, and free.”  It must have seemed crazy to the Israelites, and so it also feels crazy to us to trust this Divine Mystery.  Perhaps, though, the second generation of Israelites, having seen the follies of their parents, intuited C.S. Lewis’ insights on Aslan’s character in The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe -
“‘Safe?’ said Mr. Beaver…’Who said anything about safe? ‘Course he isn’t safe. but he’s good. He’s the King, I tell you.’”
And perhaps we, too, having seen the follies of our parents (the wounds inflicted in Egypt) and the folly of our own self-remedies (the wickedness revealed at Sinai) find ourselves plunged into the valley of the shadow of death only to discover, at some point, that we’ve been released from the burden of blaming others or fixing ourselves and propelled into freedom.  These New Exodus moments can be so rare, but the beauty and joy we find in them is profound.  Surrender is a glorious thing.
But how on God’s green earth do we surrender, you say?
The theologically appropriate answer, at this point, is – the Holy Spirit.  The Spirit blew in like a fresh wind at Pentecost, re-animating a New Humanity, a New Adam with the breath of life.  And on this New Exodus journey, we find at our darkest valleys and lowest moments that we are powerless, that the First Step in the Twelve Steps is the starting place – Blessed are the poor (ptochos – broken, beggarly, powerless) in spirit. Those impoverished in spirit need a Holy Spirit.  Those who have drowned need new life.  We simply cannot revive ourselves.
But how does this theologically appropriate answer translate into our daily battles with anorexia and sex addiction, workaholism and achievement addiction, depression and grief?  How does “surrender” fix our problems?
I’m convinced that our problems may actually be God’s way of leading us to surrender.
You see, we are not problems to be fixed.  Rather, we are broken and beautiful children of the King needing to be found.  Fixing is the problem.  Think about it this way.  It is in trying to fix ourselves that we continue to perpetuate our anxiety and depression.  It is in trying to fix ourselves that we run headlong into addiction.  It is in trying to fix ourselves that childhood wounds actually fester and grow.
The Prodigal Son tried to fix his problem (hunger) by eating the pods of a carob tree, a meal that middle-eastern scholar Kenneth Bailey claims would have given him no satisfaction, no nutrition, and no relief from his hunger pains.  He needed to be Found.
The Prodigal Son tried to fix his problem (despair) by going back to his father and asking to be a slave.  His problem was fixed by being Found…greeted by a Father who would run to him in his mess, not away from him, saying, “My son was lost and now is found.”
The Elder Son tried to fix his problem (insecurity) by becoming a narcissistic, self-promoting do-gooder.  The father told him that what he perceived to be the problem was never a problem.  “Everything I have is yours.”  He was lost and needed to be found, and hadn’t even left.
Our problems reveal the specific cure we need.  They reflect parts of us that crave God’s original shalom.  Our problem (sex addiction) is not an internet connection to be cut off, but a longing to be found intimately by another.  Our problem (depression) is not simply a feeling that should go away, but a longing to be known, loved, and found in our tears.  Our problem (eating disorder) is not about more food being eaten, but about a person who wants to disappear being found by One who sees and loves.  Our problem (cutting/self-mutiliation) is not simply a bad behavior to stop, but a longing to be released from a deeper pain and held in the arms of One who was cut on for our sakes.  Our problem (marital issues) is not a problem to be solved, but two people who long to be better known, understood, and intimately allied with one another and God.  Our problem (abuse) is not a memory to be erased, but reveals a longing to be held in the healing safety of Another.
You see, we surrender our need to be fixed, or fix ourselves.  We embrace the mysterious cure found in the strong, yet intimate, care of a Good (but not safe…) God.  Repentance, then, becomes something more than a mechanical prayer we say when we feel guilty.  It becomes an active and daily turning away from self-reliance and into the loving embrace of a God who isn’t mad, but delighted…
This process takes a lifetime.  For behind each clenched fist is another.  Our brokenness runs deep.  It is embedded in decades of hard memories, brain chemistry which has adapted and actually fosters the self-fix, the torrent of a powerful unconscious which lurks beneath our awareness, the body-memory of a place where our abuser violated us, and the seemingly inviolable patterns and habits which have emerged from years of resistance.
But here is what is liberating.  To assume we can fixed leads us further into a desperate search for the illusive pod that the Prodigal sought to devour.  It leads us to the lie of quick fixes and the false promises of hotshot preachers and therapists who pretend to be gods.  Instead, we’re lead out of the wilderness and into the embrace of the Father, to be Found.  This “being found” is a lifetime journey.  We’re prone to forget, and leave the safe arms of God and our community for more familiar lovers – less-Wild lovers.  But in those times, when we’re prone to find the fix again, let the quiet whisper of the one who longs to find you say again, “Come to me all you who are weary and heavy ladened and I will give you rest.”
Found.
Where surrender is possible.
May the Spirit blow this new wind your way…"

Where's My Stick?

Caleb and I were talking yesterday, and I said, "Logan is 5...just like you!"

Caleb says, "I am five AND A HALF!"

"Oh, excuse me.  Five and a half.   Well, I think you are a cutie, whether you are 5, 5 1/2....or 6...or 7."

He says, "Will you think I'm cute when I'm 12?"

"Yep"

"How about 20?"

"Yep"

"What about when I'm 42?"

I laugh.  "Yep.  Of course, by the time you are 20, you'll have all kinds of girls thinking you are cute, and mom will be beating them off with a stick."

"Good," he says. "I want you to".

"Oh, I don't think you will want me to then," I say.

Around that time, Abby comes in the room and says, "Caleb already has a girlfriend mom.  He likes a little girl in his preschool class named Riley!"

Caleb whispers, "Mom!  I have to tell you something!  If Riley ever comes over here, don't wack her...cause she's really good to me!"  

LOL!!!  Oh boy... I'm in trouble.

The Lessons of Life...

I'm learning a lot of things lately...life is like that...  If you are willing to be  a learner, you will always be changing, always be growing, and, yes ~ sometimes even altering your views/opinions/beliefs as a result.  Nothing wrong with that...it's all part of the journey. 

Some lessons sink in quickly; others take a bit longer.  Still, others take a lifetime of learning and re-learning.  A few of my recent lessons?

...that you can love people that are very different from you...

...that you should show respect, even when you disagree...

...that I am not nearly as perfect as I once thought...

...that God is way more perfect than I once thought...

...that nobody really has it together (and the minute they think they do, it falls apart) 

...that most people appreciate an unpretentious soul...

...that there are few things more revitalizing than a good belly laugh with people you love...

...that it's okay to cry...so long as I do not lose hope...

...that the world will never make complete sense to me...it's not supposed to

...that assuming is a very bad idea...

...that you just have to give some things time...

...that some things are worth fighting for...

...that sometimes you have to let go...

...that there are only a few things that really matter in the end...

Travel Review: Punta Cana, Dominican Republic

This past December, Scott & I took our first vacation to the Dominican Republic in honor of our 11th anniversary.  We did this on our 11th anniversary because we did nadda on the big 10th anniversary, and were making up for lost time. We made the decision to visit this tropical destination for our anniversary for one main reason: it was cheap!  A 6 day/5 night all-inclusive vacation for two people at the Barcelo Punta Cana four-star resort was $500, plus airfare.  We had frequent flyer tickets, but you can get a package deal with airline tickets included through Cheap Carribean, and it is still ridiculously cheap. (This is probably due to the fact that, not only is the economy in the toilet, but there are only so many crazy Americans out there actually willing to risk their lives traveling out of the country in the wake of terrorist acts.  But, hey, we've always been adventureous; besides, I know where I'm going if I 'kick the can', so what the heck.)

So ~ back to the Dominican Republic: the Barcelo Punta Cana was nice.  The rooms were typical... nothing to write home about.  But the grounds were beautiful.  Lots of palm trees, green lush grass, winding pools and the blue sea.  The food?  Pack sandwiches.  Ok, ok, I know you can't get those through customs, so shove some freeze-dried food and bags of nuts in your suitcase, LOL!  You think I'm kidding?  Let's put it this way, poor Scott spent half his vacation in the bathroom.  Amazingly, while I felt a little on the queasy side, I did not get sick.  (I attribute it to the two week course of probiotics I took before the trip!)  I can't speak for other all-inclusive resorts, but I have stayed in two Barcelos in two different countries, and the food was not great in either one.  In all fairness, the resort does cater to a wide variety of world travelers, so I am sure it is difficult to appeal to all tastes. It might be worth noting that the chain is Europeon-owned; maybe one might have more luck with an American-owned hotel.  

Fortunately, there was a large variety worth of items to eat, so we bypassed the fish staring back at us and the mystery meat, and stuck with "safe" items, like rolls, pound cake and fruit.  (Can you say "high carb"?)  Even so, by the end of the week, everything tasted the same and we were SO ready to get back to good ol' American soil and get something to eat that didn't turn our stomachs.  The up side is that if quantity is your gig, you are in good shape, since there is absolutely no limit on how much you eat or drink.  And while I might have managed to stay away from the pina coladas, I think I did seriously O.D. on cappuccinos...which were actually quite good.

On to more important topics:  the activities.  If you are the type who wants to go on vacation and just sit on the beach in a lounge chair with a cold drink in your hand, this might be the place for you.  The beach was very pretty, and there were plenty of places to relax.  Uhm-hmm... one thing you should know, though, is ALL beaches in the Dominican Republic are public beaches, and topless sunbathing is legal.  We were not aware of this minor detail, and needless to say, I wasn't too excited for my husband to discover it. Also worth noting is that Barcelo Punta Cana is on the Atlantic Ocean, not the Caribean Sea.  That means that the waves were too rough for activities such as snorkeling and kayaking at the resort.  And motorized watersports are illegal in the Dominican Republic.  There wasn't much to do at the resort other than swim and "sight-see".  And while I must admit that some of the 80-year-old "sights" were quite amusing, we decided to get-out-of-dodge and book a couple of off-site excursions through a tour company.

The first excursion was riding four-wheelers through the Dominican countryside. The tour was to take us to a popular beach, a coffee plantation and to a famous cave where we could explore and swim.  As it turned out, though, every stop we made was more like another opportunity for the Dominicans to try to sell their wares to the "dumb Americans" who would pay ridiculous prices for their hand-made jewelery made from "precious native stones".  Nevertheless, we had a lot of fun on the four-wheeler.  I was glad we chose it, as opposed to a dune buggy, because those riders got all muddy.  My husband said I hogged the four-wheeler, and I told him that's what he gets for not getting two, lol.  It was a blast!  We'd do it again.

The 2nd excursion, a speed boat/snorkeling tour, was not as fun.  After the bus picked us up, we clunked though the Dominican countryside, stopping at resort after resort for what seemed like forever before we finally reached the beach for the excursion. We were told to put everything we brought along in a locker before heading for the water so it wouldn't get wet.  The speed boats we were going to drive were about waist deep in the ocean, and we had to jump up onto the side and hoist ourselves over the edge to get into the boat!  As you can imagine, that was fun.  I think I made it on my twenty-third thousandth try.  I imagined racing through the ocean, the wind blowing through my hair.  What I did not imagine, however, was water spraying in my face so fiercely I couldn't see, never mind steer a boat!  (Scott got more than his fair share of drive time this time around).

Once we made it to the dock near the reef where we were to snorkel, we had to anchor our boats, jump out, and swim (against the waves) out to the dock.  By the time I actually got to the snorkeling part, I was already tired out!  As far as the quality of the snorkeling itself,  we did see some tropical fish, and it was fun to watch them eat bread from our hands.  But the coral was dull brown, and not the bright colors you hope to see in the Caribbean.  It's the second time we have gone snorkeling and "settled" on the location, and we decided it would be worth it next time to "go all out" and take the extra time & money to travel to the best snorkeling reef your vacation area has to offer.  Still, it was an experience we don't get to have everyday.  It was okay, although a little warning that I should have trained for the triathalon before attempting this excursion would have been nice.

As far as other activities go, the resort had a casino and some cheesy nighttime entertainment shows if you are into that sort of thing.  They also allowed street vendors to set up tables in the hotel in the evenings so that guests could buy souvenirs and jewelery.  It was quite convenient. There are plenty of other places to shop, but due to the extreme poverty of the area, tourists are encouraged to take extreme caution when leaving the resort grounds.  One thing is for sure... no matter where you decide to do your shopping, be prepared for extreme haggling if you even dare to take a glance in the storekeeper's direction.  It goes a lot like this:

"Hey, my brother!  My sister!  Come over here. I have a free gift for you!  Let me put it on you.  Show me what you like.  Put is here (on my plate), anything you like.  I'm gonna give you a great price, make you special deal, just for you!"  I never knew I had so many relatives, lol!  It got old after awhile, but it was all part of it.

All in all, we had a great time, and we are glad we went.  But Scott & I both agreed that while the Dominican Republic was an interesting place to visit, we wouldn't opt to go back.  I would prefer to go back to Mexico...(or even better yet, visit one of the U.S. Virgin Islands where people speak English and we can eat typical food, albeit, for a much heftier price tag!)  But if a "budget" tropical vacation fits the bill, we recommend Cancun or the Mayan Riviera to Punta Cana.  We found that the locals were more pleasant, the haggling was less annoying, and the Gulf of Mexico was more appealing.  And besides, while jet skiing is perfectly legal in Mexico, topless sunbathing is not.  Bon Voyage!

Two Ways to Live: The Choice We All Face

This is an excellent resource if you are looking for a good way to share Christ with friends, neighbors or family members. If you do not have a personal relationship with Jesus (or you are not sure if you do), and you would like to know more, check out this site. It will explain to you the simple message at the heart of Christianity that can change your life. If you have any questions, feel free to send me a private message. Blessings!

two ways to live : : the choice we all face

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